The Play's the Thing. Yuck.

A friend’s phone call a few weeks ago left me intrigued about a play at a regional theater not far from where I live. “It has something to do with a sister and a brother, and a mother and a son. I thought you might be interested because of your book.” I agreed, and dragging our better halves with us, we went to the show. Two days later, I am still creeped out.

The play, called Jen and John, opens with a girl and her little brother who is six years younger. We watch them age – which since the cast included just two actors playing the roles, it was more like a voice change – and she continues to protect him, especially from their abusive dad. She then goes off to college and becomes a hippie. He enlists in the military and gets sent to Vietnam. And – spoiler alert – he dies.

I was okay with the first act. And admittedly, the actors were very good. I was even touched a bit here and there thinking of my own kids – my daughter is older by four years and is very protective of her younger brother. But then we came back from intermission.

Now the woman is grown and married – though apparently divorced – has a baby who is named after her brother, of course. She tells him he looks like his dead uncle and promises to dress him in his clothes. (I couldn’t make this up.) Then the baby (played by the same adult actor from Scene One) grows up, learns that his mother had been hiding his acceptance to an Ivy League college for two weeks (What mother does that?) and then angrily storms out of the house and rushes to tell his girlfriend the good news. Oh yeh, Mom doesn’t like the girlfriend.

So why does Mom conceal the fact that her son has gotten into college? She doesn’t want him to leave. In fact, she makes it very clear to him that she would like him to remain at home, forever, apparently. Despite his testy reaction to her request, he ultimately has an epiphany. You know, Mom has been so good to him, maybe he should just stay home. He decides to call the college and tell them he’s not coming, he would rather throw away an opportunity of a lifetime to stay at home with his mom.

How are you feeling now? Like me?

One more thing, this was a musical.

11
Oct
2010

Beauty and the Beach

It’s October and I thought I was finished writing about the beach – at least until next summer. But then there we were. Saturday. A glorious day. One of those very rare Goldilocks Days (to borrow a description of a planet discovered last week – “Not too hot, not too cold.”)

And so I found myself along with my significant other pulling our car over to the side of the road, rolling up our jeans, taking our shoes off and sinking our bare feet into the velvety soft sand. Our ringside seat was a blanket I keep in my car for impromptu picnics, insufficient heaters, and as a protective barrier for traveling nursery plants.

In one visual sweep from our perch, I saw a dozen or so other smiling people, surfers, butterflies (tons of them), skimmers (very cool black and white birds), seagulls, and, as if I needed anything more, a school of dolphins.

I love the beach in the summer, but when it’s July and 90 degrees and I’m on vacation, it’s expected that we will slip on bathing suits, pack up some food and head to the beach. It takes something more to find yourself sitting on the sand, watching the ocean in Autumn. A detour, maybe. A stop-what-you’re-doing decision. A willingness to accept that these are the gifts we rarely get, but always cherish.

It rained all day Sunday at the shore. I thought about a friend who lives in LA and frequently complains to me about how the weather there is just so damn perfect. Once in a while, he says, it would be nice to have some gray. I think I get it. We need it all – sun, rain, heat, cold, wind, snow.

Experiencing it, makes us feel alive.

04
Oct
2010

Women Helping Women

Just a reminder that this Saturday from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. is the fourth annual Women’s Night Out in Bucks County, PA. Check it out at www.whwcoactive.org.  I’ll be speaking on an author’s panel. Please come by and say hi!!

22
Sep
2010

16 Changes to Make Right Now to Make Divorce Easier on The Kids

iVillage has an excellent article posted on 16 Changes to Make Right Now to Make Divorce Easier on The Kids and yours truly weighed in on the topic of dating after divorce, including introducing your significant other to your kids and dealing with your ex’s new love life.

Accept that your ex will date — and you will, too!

Bringing new romantic partners into the picture is a huge change for kids, so many parents wait until they know the new boyfriend or girlfriend is a keeper to introduce them. (A general rule of thumb is at least four to six months.) “Reassure your kids that this person will never change your love for them,” says Ellie Slott Fisher, author of Mom, There’s a Man in the Kitchen and He’s Wearing Your Robe and It’s Either Her or Me. “Your relationship is too strong to be affected by anyone.” When kids meet the new guy, pick a fun place and hold off on the PDA. Is your ex dating too? Remember that no person will take your place as their mother; so avoid the urge to pry. Instead, let your kids make their own judgment about the new woman and make nice. “The best way to deal with an ex dating is to take care of yourself, look fabulous, and act overly pleasant and solicitous in his or her presence,” adds Fisher.

Click here to read the full article.

Also, if you’re interested in receiving my bimonthly newsletter straight to your inbox, you can now subscribe via It’s all Relative… and read past issues. The September Issue is hot off the press!

15
Sep
2010

Tis the Season for Marriage

Weddings usually involve brides and grooms, and when there’s a groom there is more often than not, a mother; the one person at any wedding who isn’t all that sure of her role. How much is too involved, and how little is too little?

I ran into a former student of mine who is in the throes of wedding planning. He’s one of four boys and the first in the family to get married. Not having any daughters, his mom wants to be involved in the wedding planning  – the planning, not the paying. She’s given her son – and by extension, his fiancée, – a list of songs to play, a list of her friends to invite (at the couple’s expense) – and suggestions how to decorate and what to wear.

Not surprisingly, the fiancée is having no part of the mother’s intrusion.

My suggestions?

To the groom’s mom: Be very selective in making requests. If it’s most important that you have certain friends then ask for that. But choosing the music, the flowers, the colors, the clothes is a decision left to the bride and groom. Presumably, you had your turn.

To the fiancée: If you’re not feeling the love, then give his mom a pass for one year (longer if you have the patience). Let her get to gradually know you and like you.  Without compromising your own wishes, excuse everything she says or does and let her son know that he has one year to help her see what a good person you are. Seriously, it’s too easy to let any poorly directed and ill-conceived comment wear a hole in this relationship. One that’s impossible to mend. But if you can let it go – like we do when a girlfriend disappoints us  – at the end of the year, you may find bygones will be bygones and you’ll start the relationship from scratch.

The reason for this is that most future daughters-in-law are ready and willing to like their boyfriend’s mother. But many mothers aren’t quite ready to accept this new No. 1 female in their son’s life. Eventually, most of these moms will come around. But until they reach that point they may say or do something the fiancée will find hurtful and annoying. These moments get locked into our memory and just when the mom is ready to open her arms, the daughter-in-law has firmly folded hers.

To the groom: You don’t get a pass. Your job is to make sure your fiancée doesn’t take to heart anything your mom does while making sure your mom continues to improve in her efforts to trust and like your mate.

14
Sep
2010


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